Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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