I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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