Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
