I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
