long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
did i walk over a car last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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