Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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