also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
