I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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