8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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