This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
