I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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