I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
