Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
