somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
