Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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