I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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