Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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