GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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