3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
