i was born a porn star she said
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
