Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
