well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he shaved USA in his pubs
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
