Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
