It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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