i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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