I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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