I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
