There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
