And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
