I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
