Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
