You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i believe in u and ur pee
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
