That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
