just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
