i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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