I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize