The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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