If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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