You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
