tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
