oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
