you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
