I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
