U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
