you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
