"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
