McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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