I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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