well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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