this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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