Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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