Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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