i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
