I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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