i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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