i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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