I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
