Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
