The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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