Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
