My first STD was from a foam party
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
