I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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