Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
