Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
