Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
