I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
