I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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