What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
